Mirror Mirror On The Wall.

Thank whomever you believe in! It’s Friday.

As you venture out this weekend, I’m sure you’ll be thinking about this blog, and noticing how you will see things just a little differently from now on.

Think about the people in your life. The one you like and the ones you can’t stand. What is it about them that makes them so?

Do this now. Take one person you like… why do you like them? And one you hope not to run into this weekend… what don’t you like about them?

You won’t like me saying this, but I propose the following. Whatever you like & dislike in others, exists in you! That right, you my friend are the sum of all the traits you observe in others.

The reason is that, as humans, we only have the capacity to notice in others what exists in us. They are, if you will, a mirror reflection of what we like & dislike about ourselves. The more you accept this idea, the more likely you are to learn something about yourself this weekend.

You will probably meet new people, witness events, small & large, in your days of rest. And as you do so, notice how you will automatically make judgments about other people’s happiness, personality, attitude and so on… then check yourself whenever you notice something negative. Why did you notice it?

We all do this, meet someone and think, “oh nice person, smart, genuine, creative” or “cool, relaxed and full of life” (or whatever) and instead of accepting that as your opinion of them, I want you to consider what it is about you that made you neglect a hundred other traits about that person and only notice certain things. More importantly, what negative traits are you noticing in others?

Finally, when you do meet someone you decide is not worthy of your time, take a extra moment and notice at least two things about them that you do like. Because your ability to see beyond the bad, means that you are capable of overcoming those negative traits within yourself.

I hope you all had a great week, and I wish you a fantastic weekend.

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Same Difference

In an industry where people are supposed to be educating clients about how they can improve their business, most of us have no clue how to stand out from the crowd so we can improve our own. And, in a world where coaches are supposed to help their client make their dreams come true, most coaches are far from realising their own dreams. It’s a sad state of affairs.

Having come from a world of advertising, where everyone hampers on about “point of difference” while every big agency in the world follows the same model, it interesting to see the lessons no one wants to learn.

You see… as any new business startup, I am not short of finding advice about how to get more clients. The number of people out there, regurgitating the same pile of horse manure about how to stand out from the crowd, is endless. Ironically, every one of them says & does the same thing.

Which is all nice an dandy, except for the fact that none of them are standing out, they all base their pitch on triggering my insecurities (if you can believe I have any), and 9 out of 10 couldn’t come up with a creative idea if their life depended on it. The one who could, will probably be too scared to rock the boat and keep their ideas buried deep down, along with their dignity.

Their model is simple. People search for answers online, so we’ll have a catchy line that’ll attract the punters to our site. In return for your email address, the site offers a free ebook that’s supposed to help you lose a ton of weight and make a million bucks faster than you can blink, you download the ebook, which is always a rubbish article they picked for free from ezine. Then they email you every week, some more often, with a new offer that’s exclusive to only 10 people and threatening that your life will always be shit if you don’t sign up NOW… hoping that one of these times they’ll catch you at a moment of weakness … and praying that you were born yesterday!

They’re no better than online poker sites, or Nigerian diplomats needing your bank account details.

The big players do the same thing except that instead of inviting you to the website to download a free ebook, they offer an exclusive invitation to a seminar or workshop where they hope to sign you up on the spot. The same manure, but served on a nice platter with free coffee & muffins. And lets not even get started on the “tony bobbins” & “the secret” people.

It used to piss me off to no end. Now I have accepted that the more of these wannabe wealth masters there are, the better I am. So bring it on mofos, show me your cards… your ebooks, your adwords, your free exclusive workshops, your million dollar tips and your success posters with images from the 80s because I’m holding the Trump card, the royal flush-you-down-the-toilet card… Ok, enough with the puns.

Now that I’ve had my bitch for the week, and lost a dozen contacts from my facebook, I’ll get back to doing things differently.

Anyone interested in my new ebook?

Coming soon, the real secret hidden codes of “The secret”. Don’t miss out, go to my website now and register for an advance copy. Don't delay, do it NOW. Offer Valid only till September 2099 and exclusive to only 68,000 people.

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We are LIVE!!

Launched my company website today.

www.freemynd.com.au

It is not complete, but it is a start. some more illustration & content coming soon.

As you are reading this blog post now, I would like to ask you for a small favor.

Can you please have a look at the site, and let me know your thoughts.
I would also like to know if you can find any mistakes. As in any website, I'm sure there will be some, and I can only fix them if I can find them. your help would be appreciated.

New Blog design coming soon.

Jeremy Rifkin on "the empathic civilization" | Video on TED.com

Jeremy Rifkin on "the empathic civilization" | Video on TED.com

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How can I?

A couple of months ago I joined a local Toast Masters Club to improve my public speaking skills.

Last night, I did my icebreaker speech (an intro to who I am), where I shared a little about the abuse I encountered as a child and why I see it as a blessing. Later, much later, in the early hours of this morning, with a Johnnie Walker in hand, a friend who was my guest at the club, asked me “how?” “how do you draw on your past in a positive way and get over it as you have?”

As simple a question as that might sound, and as important for me to know the answer, being a life coach… the truth is, I didn’t actually know “how?”.

So, here’s my answer to her.

Having a past that is tragic or challenging in some way isn’t what I draw on, in order to be positive. In fact, I don’t see why anyone would want to that. Many people draw on their challenging past everyday, and they are miserable in their lives.

Instead, I look for inspiration elsewhere. And I found mine in POP wisdom.

• Intelligence is defined by a person’s ability to learn. I may, or may not have been slow on the uptake, but I did learn eventually.
• Growth comes from experience. And I can honestly tell you that “I’ve been there”
• Insight comes from thinking outside our boundaries of comfort. I spent most of my life so far out of my comfort zone that I had no choice but to find insights.
• And since insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different result, sanity must be defined by our ability to adapt and make new mistakes. Believe me when I say, I was really creative in the mistakes I made in my life. So I must be sane, I think!

I even developed the theory of the “PDI or Personal Development Index” to prove that life challenges are a good thing. But I’ll explain that some other time.

So not only was I absorbing all these lessons from POP wisdom, I was coming up with my own thesis on personal development which made feel really good about having had such a challenging upbringing.

I have grown up (in the loose sense of the word) to like who I am as a person. I enjoy my own company. I am proud of the person I turned out to be.

And since I couldn’t be the person I am today, having not lived the life I had, the answer to my friend’s question isn’t an answer at all… it’s a question.

She asked me “How can I draw on my past in a positive way? And get over it as I have?” the reply is “How can I not?”

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I rise.

I read this the other day and it reminded me of all those that stand tall in my eyes. With you my friends, I share these beautiful words by Maya Angelou
Y'all know who you are.
_______________


Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

by Maya Angelou

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Are you in control of your own decisions?

Watch this video first
Dan Ariely asks, Are we in control of our own decisions? | Video on TED.com

Are we that deluded?
Do we really make decision on contrast all the time?

It is unfortunate, but it seems the answer is yes.

So how do you make better choices?

In NLP, we call it "chunking up". This means to look at the bigger picture, look at the value consistency of the choices you make.

The video (link above) talks about choosing to be an organ donor and the effect of opt-in vs. opt-out questioning. So if you were in that scenario, what I humbly propose is that you take a moment to compare the choice you are about to make to your values & beliefs. Suddenly the choice is easier to make and the decision is much more in line what your true self.

So today, in the spirit of making the right choices, I made a life changing choice. I had been stuck for the last couple of year on default choice, when it came to work & career, I may explain later why & how. But for now, I see it differently.

Where do I stand on the matter of work? The answer is simple. I stand on the side that values entrepreneurship and innovation.

So Good bye job.

Hello building my own dream. My own company, full time. No more excuses.

Watch this space.

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would you help someone after they slap you in the face?

Hi all,

sorry about the long absence. There has been lots of changes in my life in recent months and only now starting to settle down again. But before I tell you all about the good news, I thought I'd get the bad stuff out of the way first. Like a cleansing, I guess.

A week ago, our place was burglarized and many of our (my flatmates & I) belongings were taken. With the exception of my flatmate's classic do-up car, all items stolen have been electronic goods. Big screen TVs, cameras, DVD players, laptops, external hard drives, PS3, etc...

Most of it can be replaced by the insurance company. Some of it we will not be claiming on, like certain missing toys & DVDs of the adult nature. But, some stuff is irreplaceable.

In my laptop, and the back-up hard-drives, was the sum of all my work from the last few years. Articles, unpublished blogs, seminar notes, ebooks, therapy notes, business documents (everything from income projections through to logo designs), photographs, CVs, an extensive collection of music albums & movies and much more. About 300 gigs of data, and a 800 gigs of media. All gone.

Some of you may have suffered similar losses, others may have lost different but equally important sentiments. So I thought I would share with you my process of dealing with this situation.

As I figure, there are three phases to dealing with such a loss.


Phase 1: "The initial shock of being slapped in the face."

I spent the first three days, feeling sorry for myself, drinking myself to sleep, hoping for miracles, and experiencing the most horrifying and vivid nightmares since the pre-NLP days. I knew it wasn't the best thing to do, but I allowed myself the time to grieve. After all, it is not easy losing three years of accumulated personal effects, let alone losing all the work related data, that I had built up in preparation for my business.

I fantasized about finding the culprits and retaliating with brutal acts of violence. I will spare you the gruesome details, but it was very ugly.

I felt nauseated by the thought of someone formatting the hard drives and erasing years of sleepless nights, hundreds of inspired & inspiring stories & articles. And as some of you will recognize, I had that terrible, in the pit of the soul feeling, like being kicked in the crouch feeling, that seemed to persist longer than I would comfortably like to admit.


Phase 2: "Moving forward"

As you'd expect, in true Maxist fashion, on the fourth day, a ray of light shone through illuminating the darkness, a breeze blew through clearing the dusty thoughts and like a rebirth moment, I was myself again. I decided that I had been stupid, allowing the burglars, not only to rob my laptop & work, but also rob me of my positive self.

I decided that they did me a favor. I can now start again, and do it better the second time around. It would be the ultimate revenge… moving on in style.

“Great, very positive, Max” I hear you say. Right?

Well… yes, but just not enough. The control freak in me doesn’t want to let go, so I’m contemplating the third stage.

This is where it gets interesting.


Phase 3: The ultimate selfless act.

I haven’t done this yet, and I’d like to hear your opinion first before I take this step.

I don’t think it’s enough to move on, and I don’t think negativity is the answer either, so I am considering the ultimate pay-it forward stunt. What if I published the password to my laptop’s desktop?

There’s a lot of info and personal information for them to see, some of it very personal. Crazy, right? But here’s the thing…

Firstly, I have nothing to hide, in general, as most of my friends will attest. Brutally honest with everyone, and mostly with myself, so if these guys would learn things about me, it’s not anything they wouldn’t have learned from hanging out with me. They might even grow to like me. Egotistical, I know, which is why this isn’t enough reason.

However, the main purpose in giving them access to my most intimate thoughts and work is, HELP THEM. Can you imagine how much they would learn and grow if they took the time to read the files I have stored in [My Documents]?

Apart from becoming well educated and motivated thieves, they might actually learn that there’s more exciting ways to make money and better ways to challenge authority without risking prison time.

And before you make your judgment, remember that there’s a very fine line between genius and madness. So, on which side does this idea fall?

Should I do it?

What do you think?

James Bond is scared of Vacuum Cleaners

That’s right. He’s white. He thinks himself god’s gift. He does what he wants. He obeys no one except, sometimes, M (which, by the way, stands for Max). He’s good with the ladies. His Bite is worse than his bark. He’s scared of the vacuum cleaner and he, daily, goes for a walk around 7pm to the local park to take a dump and chase away the neighbour’s cats.

I’m talking about my dog, James Bond, aka Bondie, in case you haven’t figured it out yet.

Today, he finally got tired of the vacuum cleaner and decided to attack it. Being more passive than aggressive, it decided not to fight back. He learned that it’s not going to hurt him, left it alone and chewed on some kibble.

Why am I telling you about my dog’s fears? Well because they’re no different than yours.

“what if I can’t do it”, “what if I get rejected”, “what if I lose my job”, “what if she cheats on me” and so on. You get the idea. And I can tell you that they’re no different than Bondie’s feelings about the electric sucking machine, but you’re gonna think it’s asinine to compare the two.

So consider this. Fear is native of your instincts. Our mind feeds us with recurrent doses of fear to control our behaviour. At an unconscious level, everything we do is either motivated by our desire for positive feelings, or our need for survival by avoiding negative feelings. Fear is an example of the latter.

Our mind wants to preserve our own definitions of our selves. So if it believes the job, the Mrs or the ego are more important to our existence than the potential inducement of any action, the mind will inject our nervous system with adrenalin, increase the heart rate, and send subliminal messages to our conscious mind making it think that it’s afraid, that it probably won’t even enjoy whatever we are about to do, and provide all kinds of excuses for why we don’t want, don’t need or don’t care enough about whatever the potential reward is. And like Bondie after a lost fight with that one nasty kitty, we retreat with our tails tucked in.

Sometimes the fear is justified. Afterall, our unconscious mind knows how to safeguard us. But if we always listen to our fears, we never cultivate our own potential, never experience phenomenon outside our comfort zone and never learn the pleasures enjoyed by adrenalin junkies. So how do we know which fears are ok to have and which aren’t? And how do we conquer them?

Well, I don’t know what works for you, but personally, when faced with the test of what I should & shouldn’t do, I always visualise the scenario with someone else going through my impending predicament. I imagine them being undecided and asking me for advice, and I advise them as a third party bystander, thus making rational decision uncluttered by emotions and fear.

Then more importantly, I get over the inner voice of ill-reason by “thanking it”. This might sound peculiar to some, but you should do this anyway, at least once.

Next time you are faced with an unwelcomed, debilitating fear, take a moment, close your eyes and say the following...
“Thank you for looking-out for me, thank you for ensuring I don’t hurt/embarrass/.....[fill in your unwanted feeling] myself. Thank you for ensuring my survival. And just as I know you want the best for me, you will now take back the fear, and provide me instead, with the confidence I need to ..... [fill in action] with success. I rely on you to give me all the tools I need to move forward in this and all future ventures, because without you, and your support, I will never be ...... [fill in your personal goal/outcome]”

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this is a mistake

I wish people were wrong more often.
I wish I could make more mistakes. (don’t laugh. It would be hard considering how many i’ve made, but I still wish it)

Society at large has a thing against mistakes.

People are caused endless suffering and stress by fearing mistakes, or by guilt of having made a mistake. This is a shame, it’s a lid on a jar that isn’t really there, but we’ve been taught to believe it is true. Well there’s no lid, people. It is not true.

Think about it this way. The world of science, medicine and technology are based on the principle of making mistakes, making lots of mistakes. A scientist can only achieve his goal by failing a number of times at first. Doctors save lives by experimenting and making mistakes (usually on mice first to reduce the cost of human life, but that’s not say humans don’t die in the process). Without the cost of mistakes we wouldn’t progress as a species, we wouldn’t evolve, we wouldn’t innovate, we wouldn’t learn, we wouldn’t develop. So why on earth, despite this knowledge, do we still live in a world where mistakes are punishable by fear, guilt and maybe even by whip.

Mistakes should be celebrated. Every mistake is a learning lesson. So live free, and err as much as possible. Get it wrong. Slip up. Go astray. You’ll be better for it.

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We need goals. Or do we?

Our perceptual position has a huge impact on our lives, and in any discussion, two people looking at the same topic from different sides could totally disagree about reality simply because they have different perspectives. And sometimes, looking at things from someone else’s perspective can provide us with new insights. Most people who know me, are aware of my ongoing quest to understand religion and its effect on people’s inner peace/joy. And in a recent discussion about this, a religious friend introduced me to a new insight which, ironically, has nothing to do with religion.

To make his point about blind “belief”, the friend asked, “why do you accept that setting goals is important? And why is ambition paraded as a virtue when it seems to, on the most part, fuel people into crossing ethical boundaries?”. The rest of that encounter is left for your curiosity to ponder. But...

That night, I spent some time giving serious consideration to the question of “why?”. Why do we take for granted the largely unchallenged dogma of setting goals? Particularly when most goals are dissatisfied widows living in the neglected retirement home of our own subconscious.

Goal setter would argue that statistically speaking, setting a SMART goal largely increases the chances of achieving a positive outcome in one’s life. This is as convincing as the argument that “you’ve got to be in to win” when talking about Lotto, but since we’re on the topic of statistics, why do we chose to ignore the statistic that suggests most goals fail to achieve fruition (the numbers vary from 60% to 90% depending on who you ask)

In fact, many argue that failure to achieve a goal is the most effective mode of transport from Motivation Road to Depression Land. And I would bet that everyone reading this has had at least one encounter with such a failure.

So why do we insist on insanity? Honestly, I don’t know. I simply “feel” that it works. I don’t care what statistics say. I guess there might be some sense in religion after-all.

From my own experience though, I believe that setting goals in the future (which is what most people do) isn’t the best. I believe goals need be set in a way to have a positive impact on our life NOW.

Also, those who achieve their goals regularly agree that rephrasing goals as affirmations has increased the chances of success by all accounts. (example: You could set a goal to make a million dollars in 10 years, or you could say “I live a rich life, and I act in a way that drives me a step closer, every day, to my million dollar destination”, or maybe you could do both!)

Another important factor in goal setting, is to ensure that achieving the goal is congruent with your identity, your values and your personal beliefs. There’s no point aiming to be rich when you also believe that wealth corrupts the soul, just as it’s crazy to set a goal of becoming the next Donald Trump when you are at your core a socialist.

So pull out your written goals and make sure you adjust them with these tips in mind. Who knows, you might actually achieve more of them.

Maybe next blog, I’ll share my thoughts on the whole thing about “why ambition is a virtue”

Got any other good goal setting tips?

Ps. I’m assuming you all know the difference between “goals” and “SMART goals”

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Great expectations.

The mind filters incoming info based on expectations and therefore vague messages (redundant #1) are misinterpreted.

We’re often told to read between the lines, which can be dangerous if expectations are built into the reading. Some could argue that we can become more effective & successful (for the lack of better word) if we let go of expectations and start taking things as they come.

DeBono defines “Unhappiness” as the difference between... actually before I get into that, I want to tell you a short story.

The beast falls in love with the beauty, except the beauty’s sorted past makes her feel more a like a women’s tired old uterus, so she assumes he wouldn’t love her otherwise and keeps the past locked away, he assumes she’s an open book, as he is...

Forward some months and the locked away past starts to seep out and stinks up the relationship, things get ugly and all is lost. Beauty and beast, starts off as a romance novel and ends up a depressing epic (redundant #2).

“Unhappiness is the difference between one’s talents and their expectations” said one of the greatest philosophers of this century.

So why can’t we get rid of our expectations if they’re the seed of our unhappiness? The unconscious mind filters incoming data based on existing knowledge, in order to make sense of things, and where necessary, it fills in the gaps. The filling-in is based purely on expectations. That’s how the same event is seen by some as a miracle and by others as a coincidence.

I accept that... and I accept that the filtering of data (i.e. expectations) will lead to misunderstandings, disappointment, sadness and the cats and the cradle. So I wake up every morning expecting the world to be a better place. Cuz some expectations are worth the unhappiness attached, these are called HOPE.

What do you think?

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The truth about Lying

Lies include fibs, half truths, white lies, false statements, misrepresentations, deceptive statements, misdirection and many others. I would argue that anything that isn’t the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is in turn a LIE.

Research indicates the following
· Between friends, there’s an average of one lie for each 10 minute conversation
· To strangers, most of what we say is a lie.
· For the average women under 30 years old, the statement “you’re the father” is a lie, 10% of the time

Think of politicians, magazines, sales people, religion, internet, retailers. Now consider how much info you have gathered in the last day, week, month... and imagine how much of that isn’t true.

In fact, not only are we great liars, but we also expect to be lied to and don’t even want to know the truth, most of the time.

So why? Why are we so corrupt?
The answer I think is simple... survival. What do you think?

Imagine if the truth was told every-time one of the following questions was asked
Do I look fat in this?
Am I a good lover?
Do you love me?
Are you attracted to anyone else?
Are you doing your best?
Is that the best price?

If someone told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, all the time, they would be branded crazy, psychotic and socially inept. So where exactly do we draw the line when it comes to branding a person as honest, too honest or dishonest?
And how on earth is total honesty not a virtue?

Comments?
ps. feel free to lie

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The insiders guide to kissing ass

This morning, over breakfast, a friend criticised my blog saying it caters for the morally endowed and ignores the needs of moral retards. “unfair” she proclaimed. “I like your verbal diarrhoea, it is the only time I want to kiss you on the lips and suck on the juices” she added “but I can’t read it anymore because everytime I do, I feel guilty, and the tips are useless to me”.

You see... not only does she work in advertising, but she’s also religious. In other words, she lives in a world where morality is scarce and guilt is abundant. (they call this world, the "real world" in contrast to the "imaginary world" that I live in)

So, in the spirit of egalitarianism & committing the cardinal marketing sin of trying to cater for all kinds of fans, I decided to give you this quick guide. Please ensure you only forward to the cool friends and don’t forward this to all... insecure assholes tend to take things, like that, personally.

Right... back to the point. There are two rules for ass-mastery

To be the best ass sniffer you can be, you need to be...
a. Skilfully subtle
b. Void from peer condemnation and derision.

And here’s how.

a. Subtlety. (examples seen below require a serious & genuine delivery)

Don’t talk about features, focus on the benefits: Instead of “what a well shaped ass you have, sir” say “these suit trouser fit you so well Mr Smith! I’m sorry if that sounds forwards. It’s just that my boyfriend has trouble fitting into suits as well as you do, even though you are very similar in shape!?”

Use presuppositions: make a point that, in order for it to make sense, one would need to assume that the bosses’ ass is great. “Ms Smith. Remember the last company function my girlfriend came to? I think it was the only time you two met. Anyway, after that night, for some strange reason, she spent a month in the gym obsessing over her butt and thigh exercises, even though she has an amazing figure. We almost broke up due to her obsessive behaviour that time! I don’t know what happened! So, anyway, I’m glad partners aren’t allowed at this company function”

b. Your colleagues can’t know what you’re up-to.

Put a coffee mug on your desk that says “the ass stinks, the pussy is better”. This way, not only will your colleagues never accuse you of ass kissing, but you may even get lucky if the bosses’ partner doesn’t like travelling south of the border. (ps for this to work well you may need to have this illustration (see below) which I designed). Also, on casual outings, you can wear a t-shirt that says “Eat pussy! Not shit” / “Eat dick! Not shit” (no illustration required here)

Throw colleagues off the scent by making flattering remarks to other people who have no authority over you, such as the barista in the coffee shop. That way, you appear to be indiscriminate in your brown-nosing and no one will suspect you.

Start with these, my ethically challenged friends, and I’ll have some more for you later. All this talk makes me wanna eat... I mean drink... Coffee.

ps. I hope you're happy "H", these tips should be plenty useful. If not, let me know. I have another tip that'll rock your world

........

Can't teach an old dog new tricks

Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
For many years, I used to measure myself and my achievements (or lack of) in a momentary frame, in other words I looked at situations as if they existed in a specific point in time. So I succeeded, or I failed, I won or I lost, I did or I didn’t.

Then one day, someone said to me that, “what’s true today may not be true tomorrow”. It may seem like a simple and logical thing when you think about it, but whatever way they said it, it seemed to have a profound and lasting impression on me.

I started to look at situations in an infinite time frame, in other words, things had no end. By doing so, I couldn’t fail and couldn’t succeed either, I simply learned and grew. I didn’t win or lose, I simply had an experience that either brought me a temporary felling of satisfaction or dissatisfaction, from I which I could easily move on.

I even decided that anyone who tells me I’ve failed can go f$%k themselves, and anyone who tells me I’m a success should get their head out of my ass unless they like the smell of yesterday's curry.

As such, I now, and forever, cannot be a failure, nor arrogant. (although, I may chose to be uncouth, condescending and hypocritical, sometimes :-)

I’m not sure if that kind of mentality would suit you, but it works for me, and I share it with you in case you find it useful to think in this way (without the toilet humour of course). And if you don't agree, DON'T tell me why. You’re probably smarter than I, anyway. And this old dog can't learn any more tricks.

Aside from this lesson, that person also taught me two things, sarcasm & a great quote that I use regularly when people ask how I am...“I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not where I used to be, I’m ok and I’m on my way”

Ps. I haven’t heard from this friend for many years and lost track. George Statham, wherever you are, I miss your wisdom. I hope you’re happy.

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Don’t read this blog

Don’t read this page if your life is good enough as it is, and can’t improve. Seriously.
Any Psycho-the-rapist will tell you this is reverse psychology... it is, but not quite.

You see, the mind doesn’t understand negative suggestions like you would expect it to.
If I say to you, don’t notice your blinking rate, you inevitably start noticing it. This is because your mind first needs to process the thing it’s not supposed to process before it can then make a conscious decision to start thinking about other things. And the first step is to think about the blinking rate, before it can move on to something else. This is the basis for what is known as negative suggestion (an unconscious message framed in a negative way).

Unfortunately, we are constantly bombarded by negative suggestion that we don’t want... Some are dumber than others and can be very funny to observe like...
“Addiction Centre”... really? Hearing that name makes me wanna go there to develop addictive behaviour?
Or “Smokers Clinic”... is that a clinic full of doctors who happen to be smokers?
Or the old classic “Don’t drink and drive”, especially useless after a couple of drinks when conscious decision making goes out the window.

We can however, do two things to help our unconscious mind.
This first being, changing your day to day language to frame positive thoughts in a positive way. So for instance, instead of thinking, I “don’t want to smoke”, think “I want healthier lungs”. (I just want to make it clear that I don’t endorse people who quit smoking, because I never like quitters, but I guess “each to his own”). Here are some other examples...
“I want to lose weight” becomes “I want to be healthier/slim/more attractive”
“I’m sick of losers hitting on me in bars”, becomes “I want to attract smart/confident/whatever with ease”

The other thing you can do, is use negative suggestion in a positive way. So you can stop thinking about how confident you are. Which is great, because not only did you just give yourself a boost of confidence, but you also convinced your unconscious mind that you are indeed confident (why else would you need to stop thinking about it).

So here’s a few to get you started...
Try not to smile for the next 10 seconds.
Try harder not to think about the last time you really felt motivated.
And if you can do the first two things, you can stop thinking that I’m one of the best bloggers you’ve come across in a while ;-)

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What do, “Microsoft Works”, “diet ice cream” and “religious tolerance” have in common?

What do, “Microsoft Works”, “diet ice cream” and “religious tolerance” have in common?

They’re a contradiction-in-terms, oxymorons.
In fact, the word “oxymoron” is one too (not one two), since “oxy” comes from the Greek word for ‘sharp’... ie. “Sharp Moron”. Whoever made-up the word had a real sense of humour.

Lesson #2: contradict yourself.

Nelson Mandela was famously quoted, during his inaugural speech, for saying “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure”. Indeed, Mandela hadn’t said these words at all, as transcripts would prove. It was actually taken from the book “a Return to love”, By Marianne Williamson, 1992, and attributed to Mandela by mistake.

Whose words they are, is irrelevant. What matters is the great contradiction in term that exists in the world of self empowerment. How can our fear come from our power? Why, if we are powerful beyond measure, would we fear it?

It is brilliantly simple. We are so hell bent on letting our fears rule our lives, and so determined, unconsciously, to hold on to our fears in order to give our lives a sense of safety. What better way to plant a hypnotic suggestion for the masses to feel powerful, than to turn it into a fear. From a neuro-linguistic point of view, unconscious thought is more powerful than the conscious thought, and manipulating words in this way hold great hypnotic impact. I bet, most people felt a rush of enthusiasm when they heard the quote for the first time, even if it didn’t make logical sense.

So, learning from this quote, I present you with this challenge. Come up with a contradiction within yourself and use to change your frame of thinking from negative to positive, from weakness to strength. Here’s an example:
What if you suddenly decided that you are the biggest loser of all time. Wouldn’t it be great... to have the power to lose all self-defeating mentality, and lose all negative thoughts, and lose all the excess weight, and lose all fear of failure, and lose and lose...

Well, it is now up to you start changing the meaning of words in your own mind’s vocabulary. If you come up with any, don’t be shy, post them in the comments below.

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“The Power of Visualisation” is a myth, unless...

If you’ve read my previous blogs, you’ll know that if you only want to be rich and powerful, I wish you all the best, but I also don’t want to know. This blog is not for you. If, however, you have a higher purpose in this life, then I’ll start teaching you how to get there.

Lesson 1: “The Power of Visualisation” is a myth, unless...

We all know the amazing not-so-secret of the power of visualisation, but there’s more to it, and no one told you what to do with these images. Having a mental image of what you want to achieve is well and good, but some can get it, yet others can’t. Why?

Did you know you have a remote control in your arsenal of tools that controls images in your mind? Seriously, try it. Imagine holding the remote in the picture below in your hand.

Take the image of what you’d like to be doing in 5 years from now, now use the following remote functions on this image and see what happens.

1. Position: this moves the image left to right, and up & down.
2. Zoom: this can enlarge the image to the point that it fully overwhelms your peripherals. Or zoom out till the image is small enough to fit onto a grain of sand
3. Switch: this allows you to see things in your visualisation through your own eyes, or switch perspective and start to see yourself in the image (as if to watch yourself through a camera filming a movie that you are the star of).
4. Dimension: this converts 2D images to 3D images and vice versa.
5. Brightness: up or down.
6. Colour: not only does it change the colour contrast but it also inserts a colour filter on command. A blue filter will make the image blue as if you are looking through a blue tinted window (colour filters include blue, red, green, yellow)
7. B&W: this instantly turns the image black & white, pressing the button returns the image to previous colour settings.
8. Motion: this changes the visualisation from still images to a video sequence and back.
9. Skip: as in a DVD player, this skips scenes forward and back, in single time increments (1 minute/hour/day/week/month/year, you chose which).
10. Volume: up and down.
11. Surround: from mono speaker to surround sound.
12. Custom: There are 4 different custom settings. You can pre-program each of them to your favourite setting and achieve all changes by hitting the button once. To set up these buttons, hold button [c1] down for three seconds, make all the adjustments desired, then hold [c1] down for 3 seconds again, repeat for each custom setting button. Then simply press the button briefly on future images to achieve the same settings quickly and conveniently.

Now you have this cool gadget, play around with different images in your mind. And see how you can enhance the positive images, or dim down the negative images. Take 10 minutes to play around with this remote now, to get used to it. Then pull it out anytime you feel the image you have in your mind isn’t as you’d like it to be.

The first thing you’ll notice, is how the feelings inside will change as you play with the images in your mind. The objective is to improve your state of mind by enhancing positive feelings and diminishing negative ones. Because only when you can do that well, can you benefit from the power of visualisation.

Questions and comments are welcome.

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Advertising & influence

I recently learned about the origins of PR, celebrity endorsements, product placement and other such tools of mass consumer influence. Ironically, I learned more about these through my interest in psychology and sociology than I ever did in business school.

Then it occurred to me, that the great successes of such influence were inspired by Freud, not mad-men on Madison Avenue. And the failures of today’s idiotic interpretation of advertising are not the fault of agencies and brand consultants, it’s the fault is Clients who accept arrogant mediocrity of mad-men wannabies. Agencies nowadays complain that great creative is lost on the marketing ranks almost as much as women complain about the lack of good men. But neither the agencies nor the fair ladies are confessing their own sins!

Every campaign produced by an agency works on the assumption that their own, superficial, understanding of consumers, group behaviour and qualitative research is accurate. Then they wonder why campaigns fail even though the research is solid, the strategy is sound and the creative is mind blowing. Well, let me enlighten you... get a pen and write this down... campaigns fail for many reasons, one of which happens to be, your interpretation of the info at hand is as shallow as a piss puddle.

Have a look at the best advertising minds of the last half century, and as you do, you’ll start to realise they are good because they have learned about the likes of Eddie Bernays and other masters of consumer behaviour. And just so we are clear.. I don’t mean you should hire the average psychotherapist (or Psycho-the-rapist as the great Richard Bandler likes to call them). What I mean is that you need to find some people who know about the unconscious and the science of reading between the lines to do the interpreting for you, before you go into a creative brain storm.

The effectiveness of true mass influence comes from good knowledge of some very exciting sciences that really should never have been taken out of the agency in the first place.

Now, reading this, there are two groups of you. One group, currently foaming at the mouth from anger – you are the ones I refer to earlier as “arrogant mediocrity”, your days are numbered, I recommend you start packing. And the other group, currently having mini orgasms & getting wet from the thought that there’s a way to improve on your already flourishing careers, because that’s how enlightened ones think. You are the true leaders of mass consumer influence in the new age.

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God has a vagina

Manipulation is art, mastered by the “fairer sex” (a queen among oxymora). To learn how to get your way, stand in the supermarket and watch 4 year old girls get what they want, on a trip through the candy isle with dear old daddy. The tone of voice, puppy eyes and, as incestuous as it sounds, even the seductive body language.

The inherent physical weakness of “women kind” (a pun, ironic and intended) has lead to the evolution of manipulation. I often wondered if women simply allow men the illusion of dominance, or if they deliberately inject men with delusions of power, just as God occupies the masses with a misguided sense of faith.

See if this sounds familiar. She loves man, but she will make his life a living hell if he angers her. She asks only that man works for the betterment of himself, but if this better man strays from her, then he’s a sinner. She demands nothing from man but she’ll expect everything. Monotheistic, she accepts no competition. She wants his money. She owns his soul... All this, because she loves him.

“She” can be God or Eve. In fact they are one and the same. That is true manipulation.

I shall be castrated for this view and she will give me the look that “shrivels me testis” but before she does, let me say this...

She is wise my friends, observe her, and learn from her, for only she knows the ways of real influence, control and string puppetry. And that’s why I love her.

It takes the average poker player a number of years to master the art of recognising a “tell”, yet Eve will know Adam’s lies before they even depart his lips. It is called in-tuition because every encounter with Eve is a learning experience. Except that poor primordial Adam has never learned.

Well, I have seen the light. I believe and worship thy. Take me to heaven, and save me from Satan that pollutes my ego with the darkness of grandeur and the sin of pride.

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